So tonight, being the party animal that I am, I was in my living room watching Netflix and cruising Pinterest.
All of a sudden, out the corner of my eye, I see something flap its wings and before I know it, the mysterious creature decides to land on the tv. It was a roach, but not just any roach….a FLYING ROACH.
Me being the smooth ninja that I am, I launch myself off the couch to the laundry room to get a broom so I can do the honors of reuniting this cretin to its ancestors.
Literally half an hour later, the mission is complete.
While putting back the living room to its normal state, I’m thinking of questions
that I need answers.
1. Why do roaches have to exist? I have yet to find a reasonable response to that. Did God put them here solely as a reminder that no matter now clean your house is, it isn’t enough?
2. Since roaches are supposed to survive nuclear warfare, what are their plans? I imagine it being like the Jimmy Neutron movie where at first they’re like, “f__k yeah we survived and no one else did, now we can do whatever we want and don’t need to hide in cracks anymore.” Then after a week or so they’re all, “ugh I miss hearing the screams whenever I crawl out. It made me feel important.” Then they cry a little.
3. Why the f__k do some of them fly? Only people living in the south know what I’m talking about. Isn’t it bad enough I gotta deal with y’all being able to run away, now some of y’all also have gone aerial? Nooooope. I won’t stand for it!
So these are some key questions I got for the world.
And the moral of the story is…..I gotta get out more.